Sunday, November 12, 2017

Gaining Focus

I set my phone down and the world came back into focus.  The sun shining through the windows, car seats on either side of me, my sweet baby in my arms.  I was sitting on the floor of my van nursing my precious 5 week old, because, well that's just how I do things.  I looked up and realized that I'd been mindlessly scrolling on my phone and not giving mind to the things right in front of me.  I tend to pick up my phone when I'm nursing, because it feels like wasted time.  I'm stuck in a chair, or in the bed, or on the floor of my van and I can't really do much else.  So I Christmas shop, or get on Facebook, or play a game.  When all the while, a cute little baby is snuggled up next to me.  And not just any cute baby.  MY cute baby.  My LAST baby. And I'm already grieving the time passed. The squishy snuggles I will no longer have, all too soon. The sweet baby clothes that I am no longer storing in the basement when he grows out of them, like I've always done in the past.
I had put down my phone because he had stopped eating, and it was time to switch him to the other side. But once my surroundings came into focus, so did a lot more. I looked down at my baby, happily eating and looking right up at me. Asking to have a conversation with me between his little eyes and mine. I am the center of his world right now and he is asking to be the center of mine. And while he can't be all the time (I do have 2 other kids that I love fiercely), I could probably give him this time. After all, pretty soon he will be eating mac and cheese and daddy is gonna be way cooler than me, anyway.

 Whether you are a believer or not, what is blinding your mind so that you cannot see what is important?

"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." 2 Corinthians 4:4

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Playing for Change

Things were getting pretty hard. I couldn't understand why my home felt so out of control.  My temper was short and it seemed like my kids were simply insane. What was wrong with them?!  Why wouldn't they just chill out and do what I asked?  I truly thought something was wrong with my 4 year old.  I had worked with a classroom full of four year olds and his behavior did not seem typical. And why was he so anxious all the time?

Then one day it just kind of clicked. There was nothing wrong with my children. There was something wrong with ME!  I had checked out. I had a very short fuse, was incredibly irritable, and even the smallest thing would set me off.  I had my face buried in my phone or my mind occupied with a never ending to-do list of things that were not important.  My kid was anxious because I was always raising my voice at him. My children were acting insane because they needed my attention. Somehow, in my quest for the perfect life, I was ruining ours.

So I set out to make small steps for positive change inside the four walls that were meant to nurture my children (and not to control them). One very important step was to put aside my distractions and PLAY with my children.  I can't even tell you the difference that this one change has made. Not only are my kids getting attention, but I'm more patient when I am more present. Plus, it's fun to play Legos and Go Fish! 🙃