Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Discovering Age

As I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, I noticed the unthinkable.

I've been dreading the big 3-0 for some time now.  Growing "old" was just not something I ever intended to do.  I was going to be forever young at heart.  Full of energy and swarming with children that were happy, healthy, well rounded, beautiful and we'd spend our days singing songs, learning about the world, and playing in the crisp sunshiney air of paradise.  My husband would come home to a perfectly clean home (a large one with a beautifully manicured yard) and he would happily tickle the children on the floor until I graced the table with my 5 course meal.  30 was old, and for sure, by then, I'd have it all figured out and life would be perfect.

The thing about life is that it isn't perfect.  So as 30 approaches, I am faced with unrealized dreams.  Yes, I have a loving husband and a happy, healthy, beautiful little boy.  So who am I to complain (I mean seriously, I've got it pretty good)?

Monday, May 5, 2014

Blessings for a Working Mother

I dropped my sweet thing off at Nana's and he cried as I left.  It is especially hard on a Wednesday, because that's one of my 2 job days (leave one job to head to an evening shift at my second).  I was frustrated that I had to leave him and posted the following on my Facebook page:

       Say what you will about women's rights and feminism....but when I leave my baby with him
       crying "Mommy!"...it solidifies that Mommies were not meant to be in the workplace.

It was supposed to be an innocent comment expressing my frustration for having to work when I want to be home with my little man.   I should have known better.  The remainder of the day was filled with debate on women's rights, parenting, and people likely frowning at their computers or smart phones wondering why Nicole hates working mothers and thinks they are terrible parents for working to feed their families.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Love and Grief

As a little girl I used to beg my mom for a big brother.  She tried and tried to explain to me that she simply couldn't give birth to a brother who would be older than me.  Of course, she was right.  But, while my mom couldn't give me a big brother, God could.  He brought a wonderful man into our lives, who brought with him not only a big brother, but a little brother, too.

My best friend is grieving a great loss in her life, right now, and her sweet little girl has lost her brother.  As I grieve this loss with my dear friend, I can't help but also grieve the loss of my own brother.  The big brother I wanted so badly, so many years ago.


Thursday, January 2, 2014

Good Enough For Me

Do you ever just feel disgusted with your life?  I'm mean, just totally disgusted?  No matter how many wonderful blessings you have, somehow, you just sorta wanna vomit?  I've been feeling that way lately.  I'm not sure if it's because things are sort of uncertain (as in, I can't see the future and really really wish I could), if it's because I'm jealous of things going on in other people's lives, or if I'm just simply bored.  It's probably a mix of them all.  2014 is here.  Brandon's work is currently unsteady, lots of exciting things are happening to those around me, and I realized that in only 6 short months, I will be 30.  Gross.  And to top it off...I don't feel like I ever went through that point where I was totally cute and my life was totally fun.  Here I am, pinching pennies, living in constant practicality, being a responsible adult, and still have acne.  What's with that anyway?